saturday-8 :: when to say when...
written @ 8:28 a.m. on 2003-12-06

saturday-8 :: when to say when...

last night, i *tried* to tell my spouse that i had had enough, and wanted a divorce. he didn't 'geddit,' and apparently still thinks that he has yet ANOTHER second chance to work on the marriage. i am fit to be tied.

1. do you have (or have had) a friend that you have desperately tried to get rid of? i have one of these now. you don't return their calls, you don't hang out where you'd run into them ... and yet they STILL don't get the hint?

I have one of those. I live in a small town though, so it is hard to avoid certain spots, especially since our kids are in the same class together. I avoid her most of the time, but then she drops in on me a work. It just sucks. She never gets the hint.

2. are you one of those people that when you make a decision, you stick with it, even when it comes to calling off a relationship ... or do you get 'sucked back in' when you think it might work?

I was one of those people that gets sucked back in, but not anymore. I just don't have enough emotional power to put up with bad relationships. I need all of my strength to give to myself, my family and my friends, not to those who would drain me for their benefit.

3. i have a problem with giving people two or three or four 'second chances.' are you able to just break things off without a second look?

I am a chance giver. 1 chance, because I have made stupid mistakes too, but if it happens over and over again, then they are no longer mistakes.

4. when you end a friendship, do you keep mementos from it?

Example: Terra and I stopped being friends a long time ago, even longer for her ex-husband. I still have their wedding picture up. Just because the friendship is over, doesn't mean I stopped remembering all the good times we had, and would want to get rid of the things that remind me of them.

5. when you end a romantic relationship, do you keep mementos?

I have had only 2 "i'm in love" relationships in my life. One was so long ago that I have lost all things from it in a fire, though I wish I hadn't. The other is now my husband and we have momentos everywhere.

6. when someone ends a relationship with YOU, do you still keep the mementos?

Terra ended ours, though I tried to give her chances to fix her mistakes, but yes I still keep things around that remind me of her.

7. let's talk divorce... i have heard the phrase used by dr. phil that "you have to EARN your way out of a marriage." what circumstances are acceptable to 'giving up the ghost' in a marriage?

When you find yourself saying "I am staying for the kids," because the kids always want to see their parents happy not fighting. Or when you find reasons not to go home to your spouse. When you stop looking forward to being together, then really why are you still together.

8. if you've ever been married, have you ever had a divorce? if you are not married, what are your thoughts on divorce?

I am married and never have had a divorce, and never want to. Who is to say what will happen in the future though. We have been together 8 and a half years, married 5, and we love each other. We talk to each other everyday. We have seen friends marriages fall apart, not because they had nothing in common, or one was mean to the other, not even because of money problems or cheating, in every case they never talked, they may have yelled, but never talked and really listened to each other. Peter and I don't really have much in common, we have had plenty of problems, and in the end we always talk to each other.

sorry these questions are fairly jumbled this week ... my thoughts are all over the board! see you next week!

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