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written @ 6:23 a.m. on 2003-10-10

I really am sick, I mean feel like I am going to die sick.

I have been an emotional wreck for days, so I haven't been able to stop crying.

My friends here say to confront him, but just the thought makes me start crying again.

Last night I just needed to be loved, or at least needed. Last night was the longest night of my life.

They always say a woman should trust her intuition, right? And then she should make sure she is not imagining things, right?

So know what? What do I do now? I know that I am a wreck right now. I haven't slept yet. I waited up all night, telling myself he had to pull an all nighter, "I mean it's happened before." but all the while I have been pacing and knowing that he wasn't at work.

So I was right. He wasn't working, he got home about 20 minutes ago. (sorry, but I have gone through about abox of kleenex during this enty).

I asked him where he was, and he said he went out for a few beers. I asked him how long he had been in town, and he said he got in around 11:00 last night. Then he went to bed and left me to cry.

I feel like I am drowning, and the one person who I trusted most to save me, is the one holding my head under the water.

I don't know what to

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